Queer Kid of Color

It has been talked about in our circle of friends. How People Of Color in Crisis (P.O.C.C.)-arguably the premier Black gay organization in the nation—has misappropriated their funds. We began to see some reality to the rumors when The Promise Ball never happened, and the annual beach party was not a scheduled event at P.O.C.C.’s Pride In the City this year.

As of yesterday, Michael Roberson is no longer the executive director of P.O.C.C. It’s unclear whether he’s been ousted or has stepped down. Either way, everyone can agree—controversy aside—Roberson is both an amazing and motivating person. I didn’t personally know him, but I’ve had the privilege of being introduced to him at the Many Men, Many Voices retreat on October 2006. Some of the allegations surrounding Roberson is that he used P.O.C.C. money on several occasions to visit his partner out in Los Angeles and to bail a friend out of jail.

P.O.C.C. is reportedly being federally audited. I spoke to someone at P.O.C.C. a few days ago and apparently two very distraught and terminated employees are the ones who are spreading the rumors of their financial woes. I am a person of the media, so this was something I was expecting to hear. It seems like those “rumors” are being filtered with some truth.

Over the past six years P.O.C.C. has spent nearly $3 million on their pride events. They cash sponsor ball categories, hand out hefty cash prizes at its own balls, and provides some very nice incentives for those who get tested. The organization also helps publish the Bleu Magazine, the Derrick L. Briggs Discussion Group, helped launched Canwebefrank.com, buys ads for an online web show, launched The Federation of Houses, establish C.O.R.E NYC (according to their site: a group of local Party Promoters dedicated to the health and wellbeing of the LGBT community of color), and also holds substance abuse education seminars for organizations, and gay youth initiatives and this year alone has helped pay for the funeral of seven men who were loss to HIV/AIDS.

Even with their best deeds, P.O.C.C has new complaints rising. Just recently, POCC pulled itself from sponsoring the Greatest Ball on Earth , an event that was to take place on August 2nd. Now the event’s producer Terrence Legend will have to pay for the event out of pocket. P.O.C.C committed to pay for security, trophies, cash categories and make the event an official program for Pride in the City.

I hope this P.O.C.C. mess gets sorted out. This organization has been a viable commodity to the Black gay community. I would hate to see this organization fail. The club events and parties not directly associated with P.O.C.C. are still going ahead as scheduled.

I’ll keep you all posted.

Last Saturday I was reminiscing on the guys that I have dated. There’s only been two who I’ve dated on a serious note, but nonetheless there were several that I thought I might have some potential with. As I numbered down each guy (there aren’t that many), my question after each thought of them was: what was I thinking? Some may call it the “gateway card.” Its a trick you pull to distance yourself from the last guy you’ve dated. You remember the gross and disgusting things he did, and you try looking for ways to hate him. I haven’t used this card since June of ’06 to get over that fem; who I will talk about at some point. No, this wasn’t my “gateway card.” Ask any of my friends, I have no problem moving on. I don’t get emotionally get caught up on guys. I’m not a desperado (a desperate queen). No, this was me buying into superficiality, shallowness, and the power of the exterior. Simply put: The guys who I’ve dated are unattractive. I’m not saying I’m the best looking person (actually, I wouldn‘t call myself unattractive), but I can get a date for Friday night without a problem. So by default, I’m good looking to many. So there!

It wasn’t until my foray and dive into mindfully listing them that I began to wonder if my relationship guide only attracts unattractive gentleman. There must be some aroma that makes them so damn appealing to me. I quickly dismissed this theory. I can recall attractive guys who have approached me on several occasions. I’m beginning to bare witness to my own subconscious logic: I intentionally date unattractive people.

I assume the reasons that I date unattractive people are because of my own insecurities. I’ve been under the unfortunate circumstances of seeing what cheating boyfriends have done to my friends. Those whom they cheat with are better looking, gorgeous, and disproportionately not them. My friend (we’ll call him Jerry) has told me on more than one occasion about his current boyfriend eyeing other gay people in front of him and how much of an insult that adds to him. Jerry seems to deal with it fine. I commend him for it. He knows he can’t be replaced and that his boyfriend loves him. Jerry himself is a great catch; he’s an educated, handsome, successful young man. He knows he can’t be replaced, and he’s aware that aesthetically appealing men are inevitable to the eye. Even I have caught him in similar fashion eyeing other guys. But by me dating unaesthetic appealing men, it somehow decreases the possibility of a cheater. I think I’m an insecurity to myself, because by not acknowledging good looking people I somehow—one way or another—acknowledge that I am not a clause that can lock any person monogamously. That’s a problem.

Since arriving back in NYC this summer from school, I’ve decided to open up my dating pool. Which basically means, being open to dating more masculine guys, attractive people, and, I hate to admit it, guys who aren’t on my education level. Lets face it: not only are there unattractive people, but there are not-so-smart people too. ::Shrug shoulders::

After Triston, I have since been hanging out (just hanging out!) with two gentleman who I find physically and mentally attractive. You may remember Person B. I dated his best friend before, but after meeting Person B, I instantly began to like him. There goes my contradiction! While I was talking to Person B’s best friend, I was also talking to Person B! If we were married I would have been in adulterer! Good thing I don’t care for marriage equality.

(Insert digression here)

His best friend doesn’t know about our hangouts, but if it gets serious, I’m sure one of us would tell him. Then there’s RaRa (um, ok?) he’s this short, longhaired, caramel-skinned, smart, McCain-loving young cutie. He’s a cool dude, but he is way too cocky and conceited. I have goodnighted (telling him to go fix himself, and then return) on several occasions. Yet RaRa is persistent with me, something that I find irritating, but surprisingly attractive about him. We’ll see where things go. I’m leaving back to school (in Massachusetts), so I’m not expecting too much from either guy. That’s OK right?

I wonder if any of the guys I’ve dated have looked back on me and asked, “What was I thinking?’

Yess…Christopher Street the series returns! Get into the trailer!

A  new blogger has emerged…And he’s taking us on his journey in becoming a heterosexual.

I’m definitely going to be monitoring his progress.

Check him out HERE.