Queer Kid of Color

I can’t ever say I hate being single, because I have never been in a relationship. I’ve dated a few guys here and there but never felt an emotional effect after breaking it off with them. The only person I have ever needed closure with was That Nice Guy, because I really liked him. When people tell me they hate being single, I always think ‘Well it works for me’. Hmph. Maybe I’ll understand what they mean when I’m in a relationship that doesn’t work.

I have a system. It’s called the System of Stevenism. In this system there exist a one chance policy. Which basically means you have one chance to mess up, and after that you’re gone. Whether it be your late for a date, try to kiss me on the first date, ask me whether I’m a top or a bottom, try to have phone sex with me, tell me you have no job, etc., you lose your one chance. I believe everyone at the age of 18 should know the components of being a good catch. And if you don’t, then, well you should be 17!

I’m not necessarily a good catch to a lot of people. I’m aggressive. I’m a republican. I’m a control-freak. I’m argumentative. I’m a nerd. However, I know that I can be of substance to someone someday. As long as you know you are ready and prepared to enter a relationship or begin dating then your good. When you feel comfortable enough to let someone into your space and you’re ready to open up to the mysteries and joys of another human being then you are indeed at solace with yourself. A lot of people enter dating and relationships while they’re not even at peace with themselves or prepared to let someone into their space. This is not good! I call these people pretendicans!

As much as I don’t like to admit it there’s so much stuff I need to uncan that I don’t feel like I’m ready to give myself to another person. If you want to date me, you’ll have to cater to my program. I’m aggressive and I like to make the decisions. I bitch and complain unless I get my way. Ironically, some guys find that hot. I guess its a dominance thing. But it’s something I’m working on fixing, I hate being that way. I really hate being that way. When I was with That Nice Guy, who I still speak to on occasion, his masculinity got in the way of me being the aggressor. I hated when he opened the door for me, or offered to pay, or held my book bag. Actually, who am I kidding, I loved it. But his reasoning to court me every moment was that he was more masculine than I. Ultimately, our clashing aggressiveness subsided and I had to let him go. Well, that and some other reason, but we’ll get to do that some other time…or not. I think that’s why I’m generally attracted to feminine guys {even though I always end up dating someone who’s more inbetween or masculine—urgh!}, feminine guys are a lot more open to someone else having control over the relationship. Hi fems!

::RAMBLING TIME::

I can’t stand guys with baggage. They annoy the hell out of me. I don’t want to know about your ex-boyfriend drama, your life at home, you failing courses in school, don’t spring that on me within the first five dates. It’s so tacky and tasteless. I digress.

Ever since I was a young boy my mom would tell me how she couldn’t wait until I fall in love and get married. She would tell my two younger sisters, my elder brother, and I that she would get the bill for the wedding, as to say as long as every detail of the wedding is finalize through her, she’ll pay for it. Blah. I wonder if that applies now that I’m a queer who would probably never end up marrying a woman, but some nerd from Atlanta who aspires to be a CEO. I’ll probably end up having 24 groomsmen, 300 invitees, an expensive ballroom, hey mom can you cover that.

::SIGH::

I don’t believe in Marriage Equality. Trust me, it’s not like it sounds. I think a lot of queers forget about the historical context behind marriage, and what it meant in the earlier half of this century, but also abroad. I think it’s important to preserve not so much the sanctity of marriage {I think that’s a whole lot of bullshit}, but to preserve the history that came with the institution of marriage. I do believe queers should marry, but through different legislation. My stance on marriage has changed over the months, because I did my research. I can go on and on about it, but I’m not. I’m sure I’ll talk about it in the future.

End.