The First Guy to Ever Tell Me “I Love You”

September 27, 2007 at 2:50 pm (Uncategorized)

Sorting through my emails I found this letter sent to me by my very first guy crush. His name was Leo. He was an amzing person. Beyond words. But it didn’t work out. I never told anyone about Leo. The only person that really knew about him was my best friend Jose. I try not to bring Leo up in conversations, because our relationship was strange. I wouldn’t consider him my first boyfriend, but a serious crush. We met online. LOL, kind of funny now since I dont really advocate online dating. Anyways, I was 15 years old at the time. Wow..4 years ago.

This is the letter Leo sent me after we decided to part ways from one another. I wasn’t right for him… I dont think I’m right for anyone. I screw all of my potential relationships. And he of course needed better.

P.S. He addresses me as Manny since my name is Steven Emmanuel.

 hey manny,wow…..its weird….this feeling ….knowing your not gonna call….
knowing you dont feel the same way……i miss you steven….
ive never felt this way for someone else…..i thank you for showing me
soo
much love….
you were my first love…..i dont care what you say…..or if you
disagree…..
it doesnt matter that we met on local…..
it doesnt matter that we constantly fight and disagree
…you were my first love…..

i used to dream about us…..just being together…just doing
nothing….but
just appreciating that you were there………but we never really were
on
the same page…..

my friends would tell me that i deserved better…..but i would always
block
them out….say they were wrong…because….im in love with
steven….no
one can change that…….not some stupid friends….what do they know
….right??

but sometimes id try looking at our situation from the outside…..
and they were right in a way…..but i would never admit to myself….
becuase i loved you…

i now know….i DONT deserve this….I DO deserve better…..
somethings i thought ….maybe ….he’ll change…..it was just this
once
…..he wouldt say something like that again…

i still love you steven…..but i dont think you would ever
change…..for
me…

im so sorry we didnt work out……you’ll never know….how bad i
needed
you…….
how bad i wanted you….. to be there …..

Love Always,
Leo

ps. i love you steven, im sorry steven, forgive me steven

Permalink 1 Comment

What’s the one thing every gay man is most afraid of?

September 26, 2007 at 5:45 pm (Uncategorized)

Adam Benjamin Irby tells us :

 ”Is it getting fat? Nope. But it’s a good guess. Is it dying and going to hell? Nope. Well, I guess, for the church queens, but as a whole, no. Is it “the big disease with a little name”? Nope. Yes I said “nope,” you heard me. Considering the statistics and our actions as a whole, as a community we obviously aren’t all that afraid of it. Not to discount it at all but our collective actions toward it do not illustrate that we are all that fearful. So what is it you ask, what strikes fear in the hearts of all gay men? Growing old and alone.”

I agree.

Permalink 4 Comments

Light Skinned Vs. Dark Skinned

September 19, 2007 at 4:53 am (Uncategorized)

I take pity over those who wouldnt date someone because of the color of their skin.

No skin color is more precious then the next. Skin color shouldnt decrease potential dates, or for that matter potential love.

Permalink 2 Comments

Happy Birthday To Me

September 9, 2007 at 12:07 pm (Uncategorized)

I’m 19! Horray!

Permalink 7 Comments

Noah’s Arc Film To Move ahead

September 4, 2007 at 2:51 pm (Uncategorized)

Okay,

So I spoke to the publicist over at LOGO a few minutes ago and he told me that contracts have been signed, the script is still being worked on by Patrik Ian Polk. A budget, locations, and a release date are all yet to be set.

I dont know what to say…someone who actually works at LOGO revealed to me that one of the actors is still under contract negotiations. Hmph. We’ll see…

Permalink Comments Off