Queer Kid of Color

My school is freaking awesome! Of course, like all schools there are a few things I’m disliking. But for the most part it’s great. Loves it. A thorough post to come…in the meantime, read the post down below, which seems to be getting a great response from people.

Over the last couple of weeks I have been forced to analysis my own preconceived notions and assumptions about Black men. Quite honestly my subconscious is programmed to stereotype Black men. I was forced to notice this when I was walking with my friend and he said to me “Steven since we’ve been walking we crossed the streets three times. And I notice it’s because you see Black men , why do you do that?“ I don’t do it noticeably..That’s just the way I am. And guess what? I’m not ashamed to say it.Growing up it was Black men who called me white wash, or faggot. They were the ones who told me I wont ever succeed and doubted by Latino heritage. Growing up it was Black men who said to me, “this nigger is a fucking faggot,” and who called me a “ fucking dumb ass nigger.” So, Black men put it on themselves for me to stereotype them. I’ve only ran home so many times from Black men because they were the ones doing the chasing.  I’m forced to pray everynight walking to my neighborhood at 9PM, hoping I wont get attacked, because well… it’s Black men who do the hold ups….in my community anyways.

So I just arrived from spending a wonderful evening with Marz who I met for the first time. I was showing him around NYC, since he’s moving here from Philly to attend college at Eugene Lang College. He’s so cute. I think I’m crushing on him.

I had to cancel production {mid morning} my actors showed up late and my crew members are getting paid by the hour. I can’ t sit and wait for two hours for you to get on set and be prepared. In their defense, we had a long filming the night before. In fact, I got home at 3AM. Perhaps they were sleeping. But if you want to take this acting stuff seriously then get it together. The filming is rescheduled for Saturday, I’ll be gone to college by then though, so I have to find an assistant director for that day.

My going away dinner was FANTASTIC. Special thanks to Clarivel, Nisha, Jesse O, and Nkosi.

Peace.

In a week and a half I will leave this state. I’m beginning to think that these rainy days is in a way NY tearing because of my departure. LOL. Anyways, I’m excited but at the same time I have so much anxiety building in me. I’m so scared. The furthest I’ve lived away from home was upstate, but now I’m leaving the state! I have no idea how this little black/latino boy from Brooklyn was able to finish his studies and get a scholarship to one of the top liberal art colleges in the countries. It’s still a mystery to me. The nasty streets of Brooklyn was a trap, it was an obstacle. But I kept it moving. Not wanting to be one of those teenagers who has to result to robbery or hustling in order to feed himself. Reminding myself that my mother–an immigrant–came to this country on a few dollars to make better for herself and live the American dream. I will not let that dream be in vein. I will go to college. I will graduate. I will come back to my community and create change. Because that’s what it’s about– helping your own. Even when they have had the same opportunities as you have had.. You have to come back and help. There are thousands of stories I could tell you about the things I’ve encountered in NY. So many, so many. Each of them, whether good , sad, funny, or bad, I remember. From the white guy on the train masturbating next to me {yes people, I have that affect} to the old woman on 34th street who stopped me out of no where, only to reveal to me that someday I will become “of greatness”, to the nearly disastrous Sweet 16 that my sister had. I’m going to miss this city. I’m going to miss this state. In all of its tribulations and glory. NY will be missed.

Please take a moment to fill this survey out. It’ll only take a minute–seriously.

This is so funny!

I was surprised to find out that I’m a “Best Teen Blog” nominee at this years Black Weblog Award. I didn’t do any campaiging for it which took me more by surprise. I want to say a special thank you for those who nominated me. And those who continue to read my blog each and everyday. I love you all. This blog is nothing without your support.

In Lieu of my nomination, here are some of my favorite postings.

The Queers, Their Invisible Past, and The Fading Outrage
How To Dump Someone
At 22, Trey is HIV positive
The Lake of Fire
We’re not even worth a tomorrow
The Broken Hearts Club
The Roles of Tops and Bottoms
Brooklyn Boy Lost
An Eerie Giggle

I’m all for responsibility , and I’m not here to baby-sit grown men. But part of my job as a journalist is to disseminate information to my community. Please be cautious it’s nasty!

Adam4Adam
Black Gay Chat
Bruthas4Bruthas
Gay.com

What’s the appeal?

Please do not mourn my death. This maybe a sad occasion, but it is one not to cry over. Be joyous of the fact that I’ve accomplished a lot.