Queer Kid of Color

It’s a week before his birthday. You’re sick and tired of dating this dude and you just want him to stop sending you lovey-dovey messages on Myspace, calling you up at all hours of the night, and you just can’t wait three days after his b-day to dump him. What do you do? To this I say: why the hell wait? Do it now. Don’t drag your feet, this guy doesn’t owe you anything. The 10 days you fake your likeness for him, is 10 more days of him making you sicker. Call him up, get into slow conversation, and just be like “yo listen, I don’t think this is going to work out. You’re smothering me and I don’t feel comfortable with that.” If he really likes you, he’ll say that he’ll cut down the smothering, but at this point the mo’fo done f’d you up enough. Just tell him, “it aint going to work partner.” And if he doesn’t get it, tell him your mom is calling you and hang up on him. If you don’t have a mother, substitute for your best friend. If you don’t have a best friend, you got issues.

This is the guy who invites you every Sunday to church. He wants you to pray with him over the phone, and under his Myspace ‘who do I like to meet’ section he has Jesus Christ. You’re tired of him preaching about tolerance, you hate the fact that he has to read the terms and services of every application on the internet before he can agree to something, and he doesn’t like to say the word bitch. You’re annoyed by his cleanliness. So, how do you get rid of him? You ask him out to an independent movie, perhaps something from FOX searchlight, they usually have great films. After the movie you invite him out to dinner, you pray after being served, afterwards you lay it on him. “_____I got something I want to talk to you about. I’m ok with your religion and everything. But God is an entity I can not compete with. I’m kind of getting annoyed with the fact that you’re bringing religion into this relationship. I tried putting up with it and everything, but I decided I much rather be your friend.” Remember this is a church boy so he might say something to the effect of, “Oh God.” And that’s ok. You’re unwilling to go back with him, after my quote, the convo is in your hands–or God’s.

He writes emails to mainstream organizations because they’re not focusing enough on LGBTQ images. He sends handwritten letters to gay organizations thanking them for their newest campaigns, and what they’re doing for the community. He’s at every city hall meeting, he rallies at the gayborhood for equality, he’s the first to report breaking gay news on his blog. But this is all good. So what’s so bad? He’s just too aggressive with his viewpoints. And you’ve had enough. Actually this is the ideal man for you–when you’re ready to marry. But you’re not at that stage in your life. How do you dump this uber aggressive man? You have to let him down easy. Don’t be a coward. Dumping him won’t be the most difficult of my advice, being that there is no process in which to do so. He’s the type of guy you need to have a conversation with. And let him go easily in person.

When you met him he was the most intelligent man ever. He can hold a conversation. He paid for all the dates. He called you up to make sure you got home safely. But somehow it all faded and now you’re ready to move on. What do you do? This may come out as a shock: you treat him like shit. Sorry, these are usually the hardest ones to get rid of. Ignore his phone calls. Don’t respond to his text messages. If he messages you on Myspace don’t even bother reading them. Let go of this loser. How dare he stop paying for the dinner dates…especially if he calls himself a ‘top’. How typical.

He’s one of the few type of gay men out there. He supports the war. He’s a republican. He’s addicted to Bill O’Reilly and FOX news, and he‘s an aggressive debater and very argumentative–especially on things he knows he‘s right about.. How do you get rid of him? Hmph. This is me. I have no idea how to get rid of myself. Stop reading my blog? I don’t know.