Queer Kid of Color

By Queer Kid Of Color

It’s ironic how sexual incompatibility means everything when you’re in a relationship. It means who would be the aggressor or the passive one. The one with the more emotions and the one who is expected to be grounded. I don’t like to put labels on people and I don’t agree with sexual roles. That’s why I’m doing this particularly featured blog to see what exactly are the roles that come with being a top and a bottom. And if there is more to it then it just being just a sexual thing.

I recently read Get By: A survival guide for black gay youth written by Jonathan W. Jones. I think that the author offered a simple yet thorough explanation on what it means to be a top and bottom. The definition are as followed:

A top- the Person who is penetrating on top
A bottom- the sexual partner who is the recipient of the penis during the anal intercourse

I think we can all agree with Jonathan’s par-take on what being a top and bottom means. But has being a top or bottom grown to be just more then penetration or receiving. Is there more to this toll? Well, I think its gotten to that point. Something I completely disagree with. Being a top and bottom has now grown to the stigmatization of someone’s character; fem, masculine. Many people believe that bottoms can only be fem and tops can only be masculine and versatile are a mixture of both masculinity and femininity [dont get me started]. I find that oblivious.I have met masculine bottoms and I have also come across feminine tops. And there’s no such thing as a ‘mixture of both’. Meaning, I don’t think a person can be both masculine and feminine.Either which way, the portrayal of one’s character means nothing to me. In a recent telephone interview with my friend, K, he tells me, “I’m masculine and I’m a bottom. I’m more masculine then my shorty. But that’s the way I like it. It’s about what you like.” I asked him had his boyfriend been a bottom would he be with him in which he replied with haste “No. I like to be receiving. That’s just me. And if no one can handle it then oh well.” So basically no sexual incompatibility, then there’s no relationship.

I also interviewed my friend W online. He gave me his reflection on what a bottom is to him, “A gay male that is usually the more feminine in the relationship that receives the sexual pleasure…or penis. Also the more emotional of the two..” So, now we’ve come to know bottoms as emotional and feminine. Flabbergasted right? I asked my friend E what makes a top. In which he replied, “ to fuck a guy, get head, kiss if he’s into that” it gets stranger “a real top is about sex not love” So, let me gather this information. Bottoms show emotions, you can only date someone if they don’t have the same sexual role as you, and tops like “to fuck a guy”. I’m guessing that everyone has their own interpretation of things.

I do have two friends who are dating and they are both tops. How they’re going to work that out I don’t know. They told me, when the time is right, then they’ll make the decision then. Which brings me to my next questions: is sexual incompatibility really important? Do bottoms have to date tops? And what is it that makes someone a top, vers, or bottom?